What Is Assertive Communication?

Communication is at the heart of our everyday experience. It doesn’t matter if we are at work, with our friends or at home with our family; we rely upon various forms of communication to connect with those around us. 

Assertive communication is a way of interacting in which people confidently and courteously handle difficult team members, a nagging cousin at a family Christmas dinner, or a rude neighbour. All whilst radiating a profound sense of calm and self-esteem.

In this article, we examine assertive communication in closer detail by looking at: 

• What is assertive communication.
• Assertive communication examples.
• Assertive communication techniques.
• Benefits of assertive communication.
• How to measure assertive communication.

What Is Assertive Communication? 

Assertive communication is an adaptive communication style in which we express our needs and positions clearly while respecting others [1]. Assertiveness means self-advocacy without creating (or engaging in) unnecessary conflict.

Therefore, assertive communication is different from both passive and aggressive as well as the notorious passive-aggressive mix of styles:

• Aggressive communication involves forcefully pushing for one’s wants with little regard for others. It can range from badgering and nagging to full-blown yelling with insults.
• Passive communication is characterised by allowing one’s own needs to be overridden. You can recognise it when a person avoids expressing their disagreement or voicing their needs, quietly yielding to others’ demands.
• Passive-aggressive communication is aggression masquerading as compliance. Such an individual will sulk, give the silent treatments, disguise insults as praise and say “I’m fine” when they are anything but.

Hence, assertiveness is the golden middle way [2]. It strikes the right balance between self-respect and consideration for others. So, what do these principles look like in real life?

Assertive Communication Examples

Everyday situations call for assertiveness as much as do those unexpected big challenges in life. Here are some common day-to-day examples of assertive communication:

1. Holding the line. If someone cuts ahead of you in line, you might say calmly: “Excuse me, I was in line before you. Please wait for your turn.”
2. Asking for help or a favour. Instead of apologising or beating around the bush, you may say: ”I could really use your help with this report. Would you be able to set aside half an hour to go over it with me?”
3. Giving negative feedback (in work or personal life). Instead of saying: “You always do …” an assertive example is: “I felt frustrated when that happened. Next time, could you please …”
4. Disagreeing with an authority (boss, professor or family member). Instead of passively withdrawing or becoming stubborn, try: “I understand your perspective. However, I see it differently. I would appreciate discussing this further…”

Assertive Communication Basics

You can see how the above examples follow a few ground rules for assertiveness.

• You need to know and honour your rights and expect others to do the same.
• Assertive communication means clarity—no vagueness, no mind-reading expectations.
• The communication is direct and specific, proposing acceptable actions to resolve an issue.
• In assertive communication, we speak about our perspective and emotions. There is no hostility or blame casting.
• In personal relationships, you are invited to share your feelings. In business and other non-personal interactions, refrain from expressing emotions—focus on solutions, roles and rules.

In summary, we are suggesting assertive communication to be, in simple terms, clarity, self-respect and composure. 

Assertive Communication Techniques

Assertive communication is usually rather structured [3]. Accordingly, there are a few key techniques you can use: 

Self-Disclosure

This assertive communication technique is used when talking to someone we are equal to and with whom we are in an emotional relationship. The famous “I statements” are the hallmark of self-disclosure. With this technique, we learn to express our perception of a problem situation (as well as our feelings) without fear of the consequences.

For example: “It makes me anxious to…”, “I feel angry when…” instead of: “You never take care of…” or “You are so lazy!”. 

This technique can be a good start to assertive communication with someone you trust. 

Fogging

When someone criticises our actions, fogging is the assertive communication technique that helps us accept the part that is true while remaining the judge of our own actions. We acknowledge their right to an opinion, but we are not forced to accept their position. 

Thus, the dialogue stays open to the prospect of a resolution.

As an example: “I understand you may feel that XY is the problem. I am curious, what do you propose?”

Negative Inquiry

Using negative inquiry helps us defend ourselves from manipulative criticism. 

How does this technique work? We ask for more concrete, specific and constructive feedback because manipulative criticism is almost always intentionally vague and generalised.

For example, if a partner tells us: “You never care about my needs,” our response could be: “I’d like to understand what makes you feel that way. Can you tell me which situations made you feel that I didn’t care about your needs?”

Broken Record

One of the most famous assertive communication techniques is the broken record. In defence of our rights, we need to persistently, consistently and non-apologetically ask the other person to respect those rights.

Such as:

– “Hey, could you take my shift on Saturday?”

– “Unfortunately, I’m not able to take your shift on Saturday.”

– “Please, I really need the day off.”

– “I understand, but I still can’t take your shift on Saturday.”

And so on. 

Benefits of Assertive Communication

Assertive communication comes with a far wider positive impact than you may initially expect. These benefits span across personal growth, social relationships and professional accomplishments.

According to a recent work published in 2025, assertiveness is associated with a wide range of positive outcomes [4]. These include:

1. Effective leadership. Assertiveness helps set clear expectations and create a safe atmosphere in the team.
2. Enhanced work environment. Assertive communication reduces passive-aggressive dynamics and reduces interpersonal friction.
3. Organisational success. A direct flow of information helps processes to unfold with coordination and fewer misunderstandings.
4. Decision-making. Assertiveness creates internal safety and clarity, which supports decision-making.
5. Self-esteem. Acting according to one’s needs and values reinforces agency and builds confidence.
6. Emotional well-being. A randomised controlled trial found that assertive communication training can improve female students’ mental health [5]. Another study using the same methodology even suggested that such interventions can significantly curb social anxiety [6].

Can You Measure Assertiveness? 

Yes, assertiveness can be measured, and many validated and well-researched scales exist to do so.

One of the classics is the Rathus Assertiveness Scale (RAS), developed in the 1970s [7]. It consists of 30 questions scored on a six-point scale.

Another questionnaire that has been consistently used since the 1970s, through the latest 2017 version, is the one developed by Alberti and Emmons, named the Assertiveness Inventory [8]. This scale consists of 17 questions scored on a five-point scale.

Another widely used instrument is the Wolpe-Lazarus Assertiveness Scale (WLAS) [9]. It follows the same principles as the previous two, with 30 items assessing behaviour.

Conclusion 

Even though we sometimes take assertiveness for granted these days (with many new ideas becoming buzzwords), it is truly an evergreen among psychological concepts. 

Done properly, assertiveness is highly effective. It paves the way to achieving goals without damaging relationships. In short, when you adapt assertive communication to specific cultural contexts, there are no real downsides to communicating assertively and respecting yourself and others.

Trends change, but the value of clear, respectful communication remains constant.

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